Tea

Lukewarm chamomile will remind me of you.
The mug lived underneath a fragile lamp sprouting from the night-table.
It waited for me to capitulate,
to gulp down the contents
and fall asleep with the soft, clean flavor on my lips.
I woke and closed the door.

Ojalá

My Spanish is shameful after 2+ years in Mexico. Some conversations, of course, flow, videlicet, common talking-points shared with strangers (mainly taxi drivers): what I am doing in Mexico, where I am from, what I like about Mexico, why I do not speak Spanish super bien, tacos al pastor or spicy food, etc...

I tried lessons but found my teachers ripped me off, meaning started from square-bloody-one when I have the basics from high school and college teachers cramming vocabulary and present/preterit tenses down my throat for 5 years, or hoped for more than a student-teacher relationship outside of the classroom.

Surrounded by gringos and loads of other nationalities that speak English with ease and enchanting accents, I recognize the exigent need to practice and continue learning outside of my Spanish-lacking (but lovely) social life.

So I turn to music. I copied a Silvio Rodriguez CD ages ago and had listened to the disc's melodies, ignoring the lyrics. Last week the song "Ojalá" played on random; I was struck by the emotion that ripens in the last minute of the composition as I leaned my head on my commuter bus's window, watching the lesser known and unpolished parts of Mexico City, forever imprinted on the luggage of my memory, rush by. Knowing the word ojalá, which one can translate as "hopefully" or "I hope," signifies doubt and, thus, necessitates the use of the subjunctive, I thought the song a clever way to brush up on the tense that induces so many headaches for English-speakers, who struggle with correct usage because there is nothing comparable in our language.



I found an internet discussion (What is that "Ojalá" song all about anyway?) and sent the lyrics and accompanying English translation to a co-worker, as I have no access to a printer, with the intention to start lesson one of my song studies. I snatched the paper and a cookie to go and began to read the lyrics perfunctorily as my boots clicked against freshly buffed marble. Before I reached my office, I found myself totally engrossed and moved to surreptitious tears as I ingested the dark, raw and yet sweet significance of the words. Quickly, however, I felt the need to justify why I wanted to listen, study and memorize such a depressing song and called my colleague to explain that I had not the faintest clue of the lyrics prior to that moment. "Ya, I was kind of wondering," she said, "but send me the audio. I need to hear this."

Since then, I have spoken about the song with Mexican friends, who know the artist from "hippie days" and specifically this song, apparently his most famous. They laugh at me mostly but last night we sang the heartbreaking lyrics from the top of our lungs around a plastic dinner table with mugs filled of red wine and later on the streets of D.F. as we rode by bike through the dark.

For better or for worse the song is as ingrained in my memory as the city seen from my seat on a bus that will not let me rest until the day I leave this place. As if given to me by an understanding friend, the song could not be more relevant or meaningful than at this exact point on the timeline of my life, not because it holds a mirror to my emotions but because I understand what was lost.

Silvio Rodríguez - Ojalá

Ojalá que las hojas no te toquen el cuerpo cuando caigan--
Hopefully the leaves won't touch your body as they fall
Para que no las puedas convertir en cristal.-- so you won't be able to turn them into crystal (glass)
Ojalá que la lluvia deje de ser milagro que baja por tu cuerpo.--
hopefully the rain will cease to be a miracle that slides down your body
Ojalá que la luna pueda salir sin ti.-- hopefully the moon will be able to come out without you
Ojalá que la tierra no te bese los pasos.-- hopefully the earth won't kiss your footsteps

Ojalá se te acabe la mirada constante,-- hopefully your constant gaze will end
La palabra precisa, la sonrisa perfecta.-- the precise word, the perfect smile
Ojalá pase algo que te borre de pronto:-- hopefully something will happen that will erase you soon
Una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve.-- a blinding light, a shot of snow
Ojalá por lo menos que me lleve la muerte,-- hopefully, at least, death will take me
Para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre-- so I won't see you so much, so I won't see you forever
En todos los segundos, en todas las visiones:-- in every second, in every vision
Ojalá que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones-- hopefully I won't even be able to touch you in songs

Ojalá que la aurora no de gritos que caigan en mi espalda.-- hopefully the dawn won't scream to my back
Ojalá que tu nombre se le olvide a esa voz.-- hopefully that voice will forget your name
Ojalá las paredes no retengan tu ruido de camino cansado.--
hopefully the walls won't hold the sound of your tired footsteps
Ojalá que el deseo se vaya tras de ti,-- hopefully desire will follow you
A tu viejo gobierno de difuntos y flores.-- to your old rule of the dead and flowers

Ojalá se te acabe la mirada constante,-- Rep.
La palabra precisa, la sonrisa perfecta.
Ojalá pase algo que te borre de pronto:
Una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve.
Ojalá por lo menos que me lleve la muerte,
Para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre
En todos los segundos, en todas las visiones:
Ojalá que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones.

Ojalá pase algo que te borre de pronto:-- Rep.
Una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve.
Ojalá por lo menos que me lleve la muerte,
Para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre
En todos los segundos, en todas las visiones:
Ojalá que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones.

Silvio Rodriguez - Ojala by jenni